ok...maybe i should stop being so damn vague
but i wanna put this onto something so i can at least remember....and since i do not have a journal, i might as well use this place as my place to remember my life. fuck it, who cares if anyone reads this, i need a place to talk, and this will be it...

so for the past week or so, i have been seeing someone. the way it started out was not the way i would normally do things. well...when we first met, it was in october at friendship games. it was a quick introduction by a mutual friend...and i didnt think anything of it...i pretty much doubted that i would see her again since she lives up in norcal. so i continue on with life...and then one day she comes down to visit with our mutual friend. we meet up, and just chill with a bunch of people. the next day, she ims me and we chat online for awhile, and agree to have lunch together the next day. lunch happens, and we enjoy each others company. i then go to class, thinking "wow, what a cool person!" we meet up later that night, cuz i wasnt feeling my grad school applications. we chill, and we talk about random things. and i guess, we find out that we have feelings for each other. the week goes on, and we continue to see each other...and apparently we grow to like each other more (at least i do). the way i usually am is that i am careful about who knows what is going on in my love life. but yeah, some people start seeing us together. so yeah, things seem great and happy...only problem is, she's heading back north soon...and distance is a factor. I HATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS! but for some reason, i was willing to experiment with one. however, as we talked about it, and what to do next, i saw that an LDR is not what she could handle. so basically, after a long talk tonight...it for the most part...ended. i wasnt exactly too happy about this...but what else could i do? we're still friends (i think)...but the feelings are still there on both sides (so she says). i just wanna be happy damnit! so once again, i must move on with my life...life fuckin sucks!

i cant believe i just typed this all out...but i dunno...i tend to hold things in. and make it seem like everything is normal, and i prolly woulda held this all in if i didnt type it out. sometimes i wish i had an ATC to talk things through...damn, why do i have to be the ATC? where's my ATC when i need him? damn it jesson, come back to sd! =p

ok...enough of this, im heading to sleep forreals. stay tuned..we'll be back after these messages =/