this is so true...
my best friend Chie [pronounced Chee-eh] emailed me this...and i totally related to much of what it says. it's long, but it really is good reading...

ON BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

there are certain parts of it that relate to some of the events that have happened lately that kinda got me in a bit of trouble (ahem...my strong opinions)...i would elaborate more, but the people involved wouldnt appreciate it very much, and i would rather put everything about it behind me. but pretty much, that email summarized my life as it is. i suppose everybody goes through it...we'll see how things shape up. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =l

goooooo....
Strongbad!!! this stuff is sooooooooooooooooooooo funny...just click on the different emails....they'll put a =D on your face.

*disclaimer* this is not very helpful if u have any midterms that you should be studying for...like the 2 midterms that i have, and should be studying for.

oh well...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =D

today is...
a SAD day...for those of u who don't know why it's a SAD day, that's because it's Single Awareness Day. for all u singles out there, let's party...and for all u couples out there, don't be jealous just cuz youre celebrating valentine's day. =þ stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

pet peeves about school
tuesdays and thursdays are my really long days at school...and i just wanna say that there's 1 thing that really irks me in class, especially on these days when the classes are an hour and 20 minutes long, that's those people who must ask a question that really isnt relevant to what we have to know for class. for example...in my psyc 101 class...there's this one girl in there who insists on asking a question in every single lecture...sometimes more than 1 question. now i'm not saying that asking questions just for clarification is bad, or asking these questions in smaller classes that are geared for these types of discussions, but there are 300+ students in this class, and this girl (and a few others) insists on asking questions about the subject that we DO NOT need to know for class. her questions usually begins with "what if..." and the rest of it is a scenerio that she prolly made up in her mind that has nothing to do with what we need to know for the class/midterm/final. and the professor is amazed that she has such "ingenuitive thinking" (and i quote that, cuz the professor did say that) that she answers the question as fully and as drawn out as she can, which may be stimulating to her and the psycho question asker, but boring to the other 300 students in the class. and this girl is the one who asks the questions when the professor asks "are there anymore questions before i let you guys go?" which keeps us longer than is necessary. this is not the first class that i've had with her...ive had at least 1 class w/ her every quarter for the past 2 years. grr...c'mon lady, we dont need to know this stuff that youre asking....thats what office hours are for! i seriously wanna take her outside and knock her upside the head with a wet noodle. grr...it's really annoying!!! if u dont believe me, just ask ronnel, he knows what i'm talking about since he's in my class. anybody have a wet noodle to spare? i will thank you kindly =þ stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages >=O

it's been awhile
school is keeping me in check...so i havent really been posting in awhile..i really need to focus more, cuz i took 2 midterms last week, and i got my grades back this week. let's just say they werent grades that i was expecting to get...and that isnt a good thing. nothing really has been going on in my life. i'm still confused about things, and how things should be running in my life. i need to figure out what's right for me, and if i should move on to better things, in all aspects of my life (especially one part). the people in my life are a big question to me right now. for some reason i feel like everybody is moving on and doing their own thing, while i'm left to fend for myself, which is sometimes a good thing...but i feel like im being left out of other people's plans...i want to still be in their lives, cuz my friends and the people i communicate with are big parts of my life...ack...enough of my random ramblings, i'm prolly confusing you in the same way that i'm confusing myself

well...other than that, things are good. despite my confusion, i am still hanging in there, and trying to have a good time while i'm at it. it's another 4 day weekend for me, i'm gonna go out and make the most of it before midterm season comes back for round 2 in a couple of weeks. anybody have plans for this weekend? call me up if u know the digits...if not, i'll hopefully find something that's mentally stimulating and entertaining.

jumpin music
slick dj's
smoke machines and...
laser rays...
look out weekends cuz...
here i come
because weekends were...
made for fun!

stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =)

i have to wake up at 530am...
what am i still doing up? i'm headed to irvine in like 4 hours for the APAAC conference...why am i awake? i guess its cuz im nocturnal, and i cant sleep early...well, that and i took a long 4 hour nap earlier. well...imma try to get a couple of hours sleep...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =(that foot mouth thing that u see on aim)