Monday, April 28, 2003

these past few weeks
have been really trying times for me. lotsa things have been going on that has been concerning me and my family. the thing with my brother has really been a major thing in my family (see april 14th...yeah i finally wrote something there). my brother is conscious now, and is aware of what's going on around him, a major improvement since i was there to visit him. my dad is actually there right now visiting him. i wanted to come...but i have too many things that need to be done here. yeah, as i mentioned in the april 14th blog...i feel bad that im worrying about my stuff here, while my brother is fighting to stay alive and facing disability...but i do have him in my thoughts as i do my stuff, and i know that he wants me to take care of my business. like me, he hates pity. dont worry, i will be visiting him in a couple of weeks...as soon as PCC is over, and most of my midterms are done.

in addition to my personal struggles, i have also been actively involved with the students first! stuff that's been happening at UCSD. serious injustices has been happening regarding that...(confused? see the other blog of april 14). all this stuff has really been stressful on not only me...but also the hundreds of supporters of students first, and the candidates themselves. i really hope this issue gets resolved soon, cuz this is really emotionally draining for all involved. =/

ok...onto the fun stuff. i went to the ERC semiformal @ sea world this past friday Jill Perez. it was a lot of fun...my first ucsd college semiformal (not KP or APSA type semiformal). we had a lot of fun together...good times i tell ya. last night, a bunch of us went to E. St Alley in downtown SD to celebrate Mylene's 22nd birthday. fun was had by all. while i'm on the subject...Happy birthday to ya Mylene...yeah it's a day belated...but u get the idea. i hope u had fun. ok...i'm getting tired of typing...so i'm gonna end this now. stay tuned..we'll be back after these messages =)

Thursday, April 24, 2003

coming to you live from...
my bed...yup...i finally got a laptop...a lovely Dell inspiron 5100. i came home, and it was waiting for me on my bed. yay...i have a new toy...well actually 2 new toys. i got myself a digicam last week...i'll be posting pics that i took with it over the weekend soon. i'll also give an update on what's been going on soon enough...i promise! too many things going on. but now i should go to sleep...i got class in like 6 hours. maybe i'll update in class, since i dont really pay attention in there that much (yes it is boring and the professor sounds like Barney the dinosaur) and i'll have my new laptop in there to play with, complete with an internal wireless internet card...so u know i'll be abusing the wireless network at ucsd =þ stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =)

Friday, April 18, 2003

laggin
i know i am...i've just been busy with a lot of stuff...add to that my laziness...and there u have it, no blogging for me. dont worry...i will update this thing and fill in the blank under my last blog...lots of news to update, just not right now..maybe this weekend. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

Monday, April 14, 2003

some messed up stuff
DEMOCRACY SUBVERTED AT UCSD

April 11, 2003 - The voice of the student body at the University of California, San Diego was silenced today when an elections committee of seven members voted 4 to 3 to reverse the decision of approximately 3000 student voters in a process rife with procedural inconsistencies, clear conflicts of interest, and egregious disregard for the integrity of the elections.

The Students First! slate, a coalition of 15 candidates representing a diverse variety of student groups at UCSD, was disqualified this evening immediately before the announcement of the election results. Election results showed that the students at UCSD had voted 11 of the 15 Students First! candidates into office. However, the Associated Students elections committee invalidated all votes for Students First! candidates when it decided to disqualify the entire slate.

Prior to the elections, many groups and individuals on campus worked against Students First!, which swept the AS elections in the previous year. One member who lost in a race for a vice presidency to Students First! in the 2002 elections sat on this year's elections committee. Two other members on the elections committee this year had supported the Action slate which lost to Students First! in the same election. The California Review, the Conservative Union, the Freedom Alliance, and the Marksmanship Club, which ran an unsuccessful conservative slate that lost to Students First! in the 2002 elections, created candidates and student organizations intended to confuse and defraud voters.

Throughout the elections process, Students First! was subjected to harassment, spying, and defamation. Fake Students First! flyers, using stolen logos, accused the coalition of hating white students, Greeks, the military, and of being un-American. Student First! candidates were subjected to racial slurs, called communists and fascists, and followed around campus.

Despite these difficult conditions, 11 of 15 Students First! candidates won their offices by vote, only to be disqualified by four members of the AS elections committee. Never in the entire history of UCSD has an elections committee disqualified an entire slate.

There are no hanging chads here, but there is a small group of politically biased individuals who ignored all laws, procedures, and reason to overturn an election. UCSD's 2003 AS elections were not about candidates or issues, but about libel and voter fraud. Is this democracy at work, or has it been subverted? Is this Florida and Palm Beach right here in Southern California?

Do not let the student voice be silenced. Do not let democracy be betrayed.

Educate yourself and take action now. This could happen anywhere; it is time to organize.


this really pissed me off...and it should piss you off too, cuz it could happen to you too. i dont usually use my blog to publicize movements and stuff...but this is something that i'm heavily involved with and feel strongly about. my voice was silenced and invalidated by 4 people, and this is not right. this is not a case of the people who i voted for losing through valid voting...its a matter of these people winning through popular vote, but losing by being disqualified. if u wanna know how u can help, or get more info...email me or instant message me. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages >=O
so what happened?
ok...i am writing this on 4/28, a good 2 weeks after i originally posted this entry. i never filled this day in cuz i didnt really feel like thinking too much about what's been going on...too much on my mind, and it's kinda overwhelming. so what did happen to cause me to not feel like updating this thing in awhile u might ask? well...my brother Eric had a stroke on monday morning april 7. he was driving to pick up his wife from work at 4am, and it just hit. luckily for him, he was able to feel it coming on, and was able to pull off to the side of the road. he was also able to call his mother (yeah...we dont have the same mother) to come to his rescue. Katherine (his wife) called me later on that morning to tell me what had happened. i let my dad know what happened, and things got put into motion. since my dad couldnt get away from work for a day or so, i was able to get my stuff in order at school before we headed off to Las Vegas (where he lives) on wednesday. it was tough seeing him hooked up to all the life support machines, and seeing the staples in his head from where they performed surgery to relieve pressure in his head. i really wanted him to open his eyes while i was there, but it didnt happen. the doctors have given us a good prognosis on his condition, and outlook...but we're still worried, cuz that has to do with his brain. anything trauma to the head could cause complications. well...im just happy that he's still alive...the rest will come in due time. i really felt bad when we had to leave his bedside after 2 days. i felt really selfish for leaving...but i really needed to take care of business back here in san diego. i really wanted to stay longer...but i also had to maintain my commitments at school, and to the rest of the PCC cast. i know in my heart that my brother would want me to take care of my business, cuz thats the type of brother that he is...he's always been supportive of what ive been doing. katherine reassured me that everything is ok...and it's alright for me to leave. but i still couldnt (and still cant help) but to think that i was abandoning him. it's really tough to be the rope in the tug o war of life. on one side, my brother who is clinging onto life....on the other side are school, and other people who are counting on me to be there to pull my weight in PCC, and other aspects of things that i'm involved in.

just by typing this out, ive realized that there are a lot of things i need to vocalize with someone, but every time i try to talk to somebody about it, something holds me back from saying everything that needs to be said. i guess it's because i dont want anybody to pity me...something i learned to hate around the time that my parents got divorced. i think the person who knows the most about me is my best friend Chie, but she doesnt know whats been happening to me lately...mainly cuz we've both been busy with our lives to really talk to each other...i really miss her =/ i dunno...i just need someone to talk to...but i just dont know how to say everything. we'll see how things go. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =/

Friday, April 04, 2003

cough cough
school started this week and i'm coughing up a lung or 2...so i'll update more when i stop coughing. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =/

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Las Vegas
so Aldrin won the contest, since he was the only one who correctly guessed where i was for these last few days...hell, he was the only one who even guessed. congrats aldrin, u have just won a lifetime supply of dryer lint! but yeah...i was in vegas for the last 3 days, i would give more details as to what i did while i was there, but i'm too lazy to type it all out. but i will say that the clubs in vegas are soooooooooooooooooo much better than the clubs here in daygo...i highly recommend them. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =)

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

can anybody...
guess where i'm going...comment on it down there...whoever guesses correctly will get something cool (maybe a stick of gum or some dryer lint...we'll see how i'm feeling)....stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

Sunday, March 23, 2003

to put things in perspective
i typed this out earlier, but blogger was being sucky...anyways tonight i chilled w/ Vietca. we ate @ Seau's before going to see Bringing Down the House @ AMC Mission Valley. it had been awhile since she and i had chilled and had a nice conversation. she was one of my students during Summer Bridge '02, but we had chilled a few times since then...but yeah it had been awhile. well...while we were having a pleasant evening of fun, food, and mindless entertainment, i came home to learn that US troops in iraq had been in a major dogfight w/ an iraqi batallion. i think that it's crazy how half of the US military and all of the iraqi military are fighting a war, while the rest of us are trying to enjoy life as best as we can in spite of this war. i really hate this war...i'm not gonna share my views of the reasons behind the war, other than the fact that i have mixed feelings about the reasonings behind it, and that i hate war...but i just want it to end (as peacably (sp?) as possible). right now as i type this, i'm watching nbc as a reporter is in the trenches with the marines as they try to target some iraqi snipers who are also targeting them...it's funny cuz the reporter was just asked by the anchor "do you feel safe where you're at, do you need to move?" and the reporter responded by saying "we can't move if we wanna continue to bring you these great pictures" he later said that he feels safe, but it's funny how this war is like one of those reality series (eg real world, survivor, etc) but only this one is life or death. i support our troops, im just tired of all the death...i think there should just be a huge dodgeball game, and whoever loses the game loses the war...if only it were that simple. ok, no more war stuff...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =/

Friday, March 21, 2003

finals....is over
yep...i finished my finals yesterday, although i shoulda been done tonight, but i finished my paper that was due today on tuesday night and turned it in yesterday....now it's time to chill and have fun cuz spring break is here! but there's a shadow hanging over the excitement of spring break. the war with iraq started yesterday...i just hope it doesnt last too long, and things go back to normal soon enough. i have mixed feelings about the war (i hate war and there are a lot of things about it that i dont agree with, but i can see some reasons behind it)...enough about the war. i just got home from chillin w/ Krystle, as we wandered about san diego somewhat as a celebration of finishing finals. let's see what this year's spring break has in store for me. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =)

Monday, March 17, 2003

2:00am monday morning and
i got a psyc 101 final in 9 1/2 hours...and i'm blogging? go figure...just procrastination at its best

"procrastination is like masturbation...it feels good til u realize youre fucking yourself"

good thing i've been studying all weekend, so i havent really been procrastinating as much as you might think, but for some reason i dont feel fully ready. maybe it's been all the study breaks that have turned into hiatuses (like this one).

currently listening to DJ Opus-slow jam megamix which is #183 on my winamp playlist...go download it on Kazaa lite...kazaa lite is way better than kazaa (it's the same thing, only no spyware).

ok...enough of this masturbation...gonna study for another hour and a half, then sleep. wish me luck...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

Friday, March 14, 2003

see what being nocturnal does to you?
haloHalo45 (2:12:42 AM): i jsut wanted to say hi
ann(2:12:44 AM): hahahah
ann (2:12:48 AM): HI!
ann (2:12:52 AM): how are you doing?
haloHalo45 (2:12:55 AM): when are u coming back to sd?
ann (2:13:00 AM): how's the ladies treating you
ann (2:13:02 AM): yeah.. next week
haloHalo45 (2:13:02 AM): im good...just writing my paper
haloHalo45 (2:13:12 AM): the ladies dont like me
ann (2:13:19 AM): they don't
haloHalo45 (2:13:24 AM): nope...
ann (2:13:24 AM): why don't you kick them then
ann (2:13:27 AM): pull their hair
haloHalo45 (2:13:29 AM): i like them...but they dont like me
haloHalo45 (2:13:38 AM): i should shouldnt i?
ann (2:13:46 AM): tap them in the shoulder and run away
ann (2:13:57 AM): give them notes... i like you do you like me. circle yes or no
haloHalo45 (2:13:58 AM): thats all u want me to do?
ann (2:14:01 AM): yeah.
ann (2:14:04 AM): tell me what happens
haloHalo45 (2:14:09 AM): and then they circle "or"
ann (2:14:26 AM): that has been your complimentary dating advise from your dear friend, ann
haloHalo45 (2:14:33 AM): yay
haloHalo45 (2:14:44 AM): u should start your own advice column
haloHalo45 (2:14:47 AM): "dear ann"
haloHalo45 (2:15:18 AM): "i like girls, but every time i talk to a girl, i wet my pants...what can i do to prevent that?"
ann (2:15:20 AM): disclaimer.. if you circle "or"_ you will automatically be my wife... no ifs ands or buts
ann (2:15:29 AM): omg...
ann (2:15:38 AM): having those wet dreams again
ann (2:15:44 AM): ?
ann (2:15:46 AM): lol.
ann (2:15:50 AM):
haloHalo45 (2:15:54 AM): "by wet my pants...i mean i pee myself"
ann (2:16:24 AM): i hope your pee is sweet smelling
haloHalo45 (2:16:30 AM): "and they look at me and laugh loudly so everybody can hear..and laugh along"
haloHalo45 (2:16:42 AM): notice the quotation marks
ann (2:16:53 AM): maybe pheromones are easily transmited through peeing?
haloHalo45 (2:16:55 AM): quotation marks mean that they dont apply to jeff
ann (2:17:18 AM): ok.... jeff's imaginary friend
haloHalo45 (2:17:24 AM): haha
haloHalo45 (2:17:33 AM): let's call him keff
ann (2:17:38 AM): deff
ann (2:17:42 AM): keff
ann (2:17:48 AM): yo yo yo
haloHalo45 (2:17:50 AM): haha
haloHalo45 (2:18:11 AM): now his laundry basket smells like urine
ann (2:18:19 AM): can he do the head thing?
haloHalo45 (2:18:25 AM): the head thing?
ann (2:18:34 AM): yaknow... attitude head thing
haloHalo45 (2:18:43 AM): the attitude head thing?
ann (2:18:45 AM): oh... no.. you diiiidn't
haloHalo45 (2:18:55 AM): haha
ann (2:18:55 AM): don't tell me you don't know
haloHalo45 (2:19:10 AM): im not quite so sure...a picture is worth a thousand words
haloHalo45 (2:19:13 AM): u got a picture?
ann (2:19:21 AM): no. i'm hungry
ann (2:19:25 AM): i ate the camera
haloHalo45 (2:19:28 AM): let's eat
ann (2:19:46 AM): do you like 24 mm or 34mm?
ann (2:19:58 AM): kodak or fuji?
haloHalo45 (2:20:03 AM): got any aps?
haloHalo45 (2:20:15 AM): fuji is tasty
haloHalo45 (2:20:22 AM): kodak is just plain bland
ann (2:20:36 AM): yaknow the tripods... they are too hard to digest..
haloHalo45 (2:20:49 AM): do they give u squirttles?
ann (2:20:50 AM): it takes me a long time for it to :pass through"
ann (2:21:06 AM): no... i take it like a man and sit in the toilet for a long time
haloHalo45 (2:21:11 AM): ah
ann (2:21:12 AM): read a magazine
ann (2:21:17 AM): are you like that?
haloHalo45 (2:21:21 AM): dont fall asleep on the can
ann (2:21:27 AM): do you go to the bathroom for a long time?
ann (2:21:34 AM): take a mag and sit there for hours
haloHalo45 (2:21:35 AM): til i'm sure i'm done
ann (2:21:52 AM): why is that?
haloHalo45 (2:22:01 AM): nothing's worse than going potty, and then realizing that u have to go 5 mins later
haloHalo45 (2:22:09 AM): thats a waste of toilet paper
haloHalo45 (2:22:21 AM): and u do know that toilet paper is just like gold
haloHalo45 (2:22:31 AM): it serves its purpose
ann (2:22:39 AM): do you count how many sheets and then cut?
haloHalo45 (2:22:46 AM): no
haloHalo45 (2:22:56 AM): i just pull til i think i have enough in my hand
ann (2:23:01 AM): i just take a whole handful and wipe.. then fold... and then wipe again
ann (2:23:08 AM): lol.
haloHalo45 (2:23:08 AM): u fold?!?!
haloHalo45 (2:23:11 AM): i crumple
ann (2:23:29 AM): yes... we have conflicting methods
haloHalo45 (2:23:50 AM): im usually in a hurry to get out
haloHalo45 (2:23:58 AM): so i dont spend time folding
ann (2:24:02 AM): hahha.
ann (2:24:05 AM): yeah...?
ann (2:24:12 AM): well then.. you are wierd
ann (2:24:16 AM): weird wierd wierd
haloHalo45 (2:24:18 AM): how am i weird?
haloHalo45 (2:24:28 AM): youre weirder
haloHalo45 (2:24:30 AM): u fold
ann (2:24:36 AM): shudup.
ann (2:24:40 AM): hahaha
haloHalo45 (2:24:46 AM): c'mon...gotta snap to action, wipe your butt as fast as u can
haloHalo45 (2:24:53 AM): not spend time folding
haloHalo45 (2:24:57 AM): and making sure the sheets are even
haloHalo45 (2:25:01 AM): no time for that
haloHalo45 (2:25:04 AM): chop chop
ann (2:25:18 AM): ITS NOT THAT COMPLICATED...
haloHalo45 (2:25:33 AM): it takes time
ann (2:25:35 AM): folding... crumpling.. same thing
haloHalo45 (2:25:44 AM): whereas, u can crumple as u pull it from the roll
ann (2:25:49 AM): yeah yeah.. why don't you write a book about it
haloHalo45 (2:26:01 AM): i should shouldnt i
haloHalo45 (2:26:08 AM): u could illustrate
ann (2:26:12 AM): see if new york times finds it the "best seller" list
ann (2:26:25 AM): yeah... my butt is bigger.
haloHalo45 (2:26:34 AM): hey...if the poop book can do it, so can the toilet paper book
ann (2:27:14 AM): well... you think about it... give me the draft by tomrow.
ann (2:27:19 AM): i'm going to bed now


yeah...i shoulda been writing my paper...but instead ann and i were talking bout toilet paper. and i just coded that long convo too...so yeah...back to my paper, i hope u found that amusing...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages ;)

Thursday, March 13, 2003

back in the day...
the show of all shows was Knight Rider...i love that show, and right now i'm watching it on sci-fi network. yes i am a nerd, and a child of the 80's =þ sucks that its almost over. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

PS...
refer to the February 13, 2003 about what happened today...i swear, it always happens...yup, just venting. just 1 more lecture of this. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages >=O
this weekend
ok, right now as i'm typing this, i'm at the library lounge at school waiting for the APSA meeting to start...but i had wanted to blog on sunday night, but was too lazy to type. but yeah, this weekend was really busy. APSA talent show was this weekend, and for like the first half, thats all that i did. i was in charge of the info booth, so for much of friday and all of saturday i was doing stuff for that. in addition to that, i also had PCC practice on friday night, and skit and dance practice right after that. while i was holding the fort down during talent show, i was also practicing. the skit went off really well. i was hella (yup my bay areaness is kinda sorta coming out...not really) nervous right before i went on stage...since i had a big role as the "evil director" which was my first time ever doing a major role, i was very edgy (is that a word?) but i ended up doing pretty well (although i stuttered a bit). dance routine was fun too, i learned a lot of it during the last week...but i saw the dance video, and i think i did ok (for an apsa dance routine). after the show was over, a bunch of us (like 20 deep) went to Keith's to eat. i was in the mood for some breakfast, so i had a ham ommelette. when i got home, i literally passed out from being so tired.

the next day was apsa alumni/undergrad sports day. i woke up around the time it started, so i was about an hour late...but it's all good. i got there right as they started playing soccer. i chilled there for about an hour, before i headed to the cross cultural center w/ Reggie. we got there right before 1, thinking that that was when practice was supposed to start. when we got there loralei told us that we owed her a dollar since practice started @ 1230. i was like wtf??? i thought it was at 1...but apparently they had sent out emails saying that the time had changed to 1230. i was upset about that...cuz they didnt mention anything at the last practice...and last week they had told us that it was at 1. that put a damper on my practice, cuz i was expecting to be enjoying myself during practice, but all i was doing was thinking about that. practice was supposed to go til 4, but reggie and i cut out at 3 to go back to sports day, where i played a little bit of football. the undergrads ended up winning the day, taking both soccer and basketball, and tying at football. that night, like 25 of us went to rei do gado's, an all u can eat brazilian bbq place. good stuff i tell ya, but a bit pricey. good food, and lotsa competition to see who could eat the most meat. Marissa ended up getting rookie of the year, after she out ate all of the rookies (most of whom were male)...but i think she paid for it later =þ

all in all it was a fun, tiring, interesting, and non-academic weekend. class has been blah...this is the last week, and then finals are up next week. this is also the last week w/ my 7th graders @ the Preuss school. it was fun going there. alrighty...i was gonna study, but i got stuck doing this...so yeah...time for the apsa meeting. i hope u enjoyed reading this unusually long blog. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =þ

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

3 1/2 hrs of sleep
last night...and i've been awake for 21 hours now with no naps...not staying up much longer though, i'm bout to go to sleep, gonna get experimented on by the psyc department again tomorrow for extra credit...didnt fall asleep in my psyc 106 class today (weird cuz i usually fall asleep in there)...hung out with Corina today...APSA skit practice...APSA dance routine practice...all for talent show which is this saturday...came home and finished tep 138 letters...k..time to sleep...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =l

Monday, March 03, 2003

did i mention
that i had pcc practice today? yeah, can u believe it...i swore off all the practices after my experiences last year (i felt like a lot of time was wasted, and i didnt really feel like i was a part of pcc for much of last year's practices), but i had a lot of fun during hell week, so now i'm back for more. well yeah...the first pcc practice was today, which is a lil bit later than usual (the show is on mother's day weekend)...meaning we have a lil more than 2 months to get things ready. i'm in sakuting, and i'm thinking about trying out for a small part for cast, just so i have more time on stage. i just did 1 dance last year and was an extra in the party scene...and the rest of the time i was stage crew. i figure that since i'm putting all this time into pcc, that i should be in more than just 1 3-5 minute dance.

apsa talent show is this saturday...if youre reading this, then that means you must go, cuz it's gonna be a good show, and if that doesnt make u wanna go, then the fact that i'm gonna make a fool of myself on stage should convince ya. ok, enough randomness (wow 2 entries in less than a day) time for me to sleep, i'm getting experimented on tomorrow by the UCSD psychology department...maybe they will find out what's wrong with me sometimes. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages ;)

Sunday, March 02, 2003

this week...
busy week this past week. i had a midterm for psyc 101 this past tuesday..didnt do as well as i would have liked...but i did better than i did before. ive also been really busy getting things for APSA's Talent Show done...i'm in charge of the info booth where everybody checks in, so i've been getting the stuff i need ready for that. but i've also been designing the name badges for the acts, the committees, and the committee heads. i never realized how anal i get when i am creating something. but i dunno, i love being creative (which is prolly why i did the APSA programs for so long), but when i get creative, i also become a perfectionist, and everything has to be in the right place before i'm happy with it. so, being the perfectionist that i am...it takes forever for me to do these name badges. i've also got the skit for talent show to practice for...which should be fun. it's a great skit thanks to Reggie, Mizuki & Jackie who wrote it.

last night i went to the marshall semi-formal...not with a date, but with Mikey (aka DJ Sureflow), who djed the dance...i helped him load and unload his dj equipment. it was a cool dance, and it was on a boat. i had a lot of fun...and it sure beat staying at home to do homework. well, this week will be crazy, cuz its the last week before talent show. hopefuly tonight, i'm gonna do the work that's due this week and then focus on talent show stuff for the rest of the week. then after that start on finals preparation, since finals is in 2 weeks!!! we'll see how that goes. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =/

Friday, February 21, 2003

this is so true...
my best friend Chie [pronounced Chee-eh] emailed me this...and i totally related to much of what it says. it's long, but it really is good reading...

ON BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.


there are certain parts of it that relate to some of the events that have happened lately that kinda got me in a bit of trouble (ahem...my strong opinions)...i would elaborate more, but the people involved wouldnt appreciate it very much, and i would rather put everything about it behind me. but pretty much, that email summarized my life as it is. i suppose everybody goes through it...we'll see how things shape up. stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =l

Monday, February 17, 2003

goooooo....
Strongbad!!! this stuff is sooooooooooooooooooooo funny...just click on the different emails....they'll put a =D on your face.

*disclaimer* this is not very helpful if u have any midterms that you should be studying for...like the 2 midterms that i have, and should be studying for.

oh well...stay tuned...we'll be back after these messages =D